Stress!

I think my depression has finally arrived. The stress level that is within me is too high and it is getting harder to control. My mood swing is not making an progress at all but on the other hand has turned into a turmoil. My emotions are running wild and I cannot control a single bit of it. I know that it is eating slowly into my heart causing the emotional pain that I don't long for. I am depressed without a reason and I dunno how. I used to eat chocolates to make myself happy but I have been refraining myself from it. Toothache and I don't think I want to have another attack. The only thing that I can do now is to control the emotion from bursting but it is hard to control. One point of time, I am fine. One point of time I am totally depressed like now. One point of time I am very energetic and One point of point I feel like I am dead. I need to rest and I need to find time to heal and I am still waiting.

Little by little

I dah tak sabar dah. Mungkin ini takdir. Mungkin ini adalah kemahuan tuhan. Tetapi...saya memang tak boleh menahannya lagi. Saya mahukannya berakhir begitu sahaja. Namun, ia tak semudah itu. Aku tahu. Tanggungjawab yang dipikul adalah segala masalah yang saya hadapi sekarang. Ingin sangat nak memberitahu semua orang bahawa saya dah letih. Saya dah kehabisan tenaga. Saya dah nak jadi gila. Namun, saya tak boleh. Saya hanya boleh menahan sahaja dan berharap segalanya akan menjadi baik nanti. Harapan sahajalah salah satu daripada cahaya yang boleh membawa saya keluar dari kegelapan ini. Saya tak tahu. Saya memang tak tahu.

It's one of those days...

An enemy is approaching. My body sense is tingling. [Buzz! Buzz! Buzz]. Ouch...reality strikes. I ain't no Spiderman or any where near it. It's time that I have to be defeated by my age that I am old. Aching. My body is feeling all the tiredness that one could feel. Aching to be precise in the left arm and also my back. I am no sport man. Nor someone who has been very active in one and yesterday, myself has proven myself wrong. I do need to exercise more. Playing badminton with Zi Jun, Yi Ping and Fabian has opened my eyes that I am in desperate need to exercise (Thank you Jun, Ping and Fab for playing with me). No wonder the fat tummy is showing. Not only that I haven't played badminton for almost 10 years, it was also the fact that I haven't been exercising for almost 2 years. I didn't go to any sports club to exercise, nor did anything to make sure that I did some. All that I have done is just to lay down on the bed and sleep. I need a change.

Change. It is an easy word to write or to spell but it is definitely not an easy word to follow. I have said that countless time but nothing has been done to make it a start. With my body aching this way...it is an indication that I need to go and exercise. Guess now I have to dig out all the CDs and start dancing again. Haiz!