Decision made that leads to disaster...

i have received a letter a few weeks ago but i dare not read it. the name haunt me like the past is very near to me. even when i clicked on that letter, i never give it a real thought until today. with the feeling that i am feeling now, i am completely lost. have i made a good decision 2 years ago when i have decided to leave her. looking at her email and replying her, i felt some lonely hollow in my heart. it feels heavy as if i amissed something. what is it, you asked? I dunno know. i really dunno. I only know that my heart is lonely now. very lonely. i think this is what you called the after effect of your first love. i miss her. i miss the time that we have spent together but i am also the one who are at fault to forgo everything. i don't know. i am at an issue at that time but i never do want to tell her what is it. i just don't know how to tell her. even now...i am confused. i am just...confused.

me heart feels heavy. my heart feels heavy. i am at lost. i am at lost. looking at her email...i am sad. a sense of regret perhaps? i don't know. i really don'y know. how to make it go away. i ahve been running away from the problem for far too long. should i tell her the reason why i broke off with her in the first place. but what the use? she's no longer in malaysia. she's never a malaysian. never am and god knows maybe never will. i am lsot....lost in the ocean of regret.

love...love...something that cupid loves to play with. something that god forbids but eventually give it a green light. this is what we call first love. and this is what i call my first love.

Issue Analysis

A week has passed by with me having the exam with my students on issue analysis on capital punishment and to tell you the truth, i am getting bored. this is killing me like mad. day in and day out, i have to sit there listening for the same stuffs for almost 4 hours in a day. same points given, same ellaborations given but different people. i have realised that i have also turning into a sour pot. penalising the students for every mistakes that they have made because they should have been more prepared by now. but then in reality, they are not. i wonder why the students here love to take English for granted. One of these days esp during the final, they will know that it'll be tougher than they thought as English is no longer English but English with a skill to do.

Issue analysis...this time, it is really getting on to my nerves. I have another week to go before i can really teach and i am dreaming by now...that i am teaching. issue analysis....isssue annnaaalllllyyysisisisisisis....

Mphensmsepsjsns....

It has been a week since I last update this blog. I really don't know where to start. A lot has happened since then. I have gone through Charity Drive day, Cheng Beng day and my students' issue analysis exam. Hmm...so where should I begin. I think that I should begin starting from Charity Drive.

Well...charity drive is fun but tiring. that day itself was a mess. Imagine me spending RM50 for all the stuffs that I have bought for that day. I think that I have spent more than that if I look at the entire amount that I have spent before that. No wonder I am suddenly so broke. Overspent lah. Anyhow, on that day...it was fun. I now have learnt the art of making ice blended with pearls. Hahahahahaha...say only as I only helped them to blend the ice with the juices. Hehehehehe.....I took a lot of pictures of my S5 class too but I don't have it with me now. I haven't upload any onto the computer now. Plus, I am in the office now. So...no pictures. Maybe I'll put when I get back to my house later today. Anyhow...my class made around 500 plus all thanks to Stef's contribution of bagging her parents to donate RM200. If not, we will not be able to make any profit at all. But then, I am impressed that we can sell as much as RM 500 only by doing ice-blended. I must say...I am really impressed by the effort done. To show you all their artwork...you must wait for the photo. XD

Cheng Beng day is torturous but then it's only once a year. This year...none of my relatives came to the grave. A bunch of no good uncles and aunties huh. Left only my dad, my cousin bro and me who have climbed the hill to pray for our ancestors. All the rest, they didn;t even show up. How good can they be? Anyhow, it was tiring but it was good for my health...in a way coz I haven't been exercising for far too long. It took us almost 3 hours to complete 5 graves. We went mountain climbing to get to my great grand dad's grave coz that's my dad's grand dad. Then we moved to grand dad and grand mom place which is so far from my great grand dad and we end the tour by going to my 5th uncle's grave who died during WW2. Sad to tell you that I don't even know who's my 5th Uncle until now. My 5th uncle has been shifted to the pagoda temple and therefore it was easy. The only thing was that I got burned thanks to some stupid aunty who put a joss stick in the middle of her chicken. When I have burned myself, only then I realised that there's a joss stick there. Boohoo....(I curse like nobody business. Just hope that it's the aunty who was standing next to me). What kind of people is that lah. They know it's man mount man sea that day and they still want to do that. Put me through the pain only.

Anyhow....by today...I am still exhausted. Very tired indeed my eyes still look like Panda bear. :P