Decision made that leads to disaster...

i have received a letter a few weeks ago but i dare not read it. the name haunt me like the past is very near to me. even when i clicked on that letter, i never give it a real thought until today. with the feeling that i am feeling now, i am completely lost. have i made a good decision 2 years ago when i have decided to leave her. looking at her email and replying her, i felt some lonely hollow in my heart. it feels heavy as if i amissed something. what is it, you asked? I dunno know. i really dunno. I only know that my heart is lonely now. very lonely. i think this is what you called the after effect of your first love. i miss her. i miss the time that we have spent together but i am also the one who are at fault to forgo everything. i don't know. i am at an issue at that time but i never do want to tell her what is it. i just don't know how to tell her. even now...i am confused. i am just...confused.

me heart feels heavy. my heart feels heavy. i am at lost. i am at lost. looking at her email...i am sad. a sense of regret perhaps? i don't know. i really don'y know. how to make it go away. i ahve been running away from the problem for far too long. should i tell her the reason why i broke off with her in the first place. but what the use? she's no longer in malaysia. she's never a malaysian. never am and god knows maybe never will. i am lsot....lost in the ocean of regret.

love...love...something that cupid loves to play with. something that god forbids but eventually give it a green light. this is what we call first love. and this is what i call my first love.